kiitschy

 You look so out of it
Pull it together 
We could love you
Forever and ever

I have so many desires for the future that I worry I've asked too much of the universe when I've done little to deserve it. There are so many people to meet, so many books to read. I want to feel everything, fame, solitude, love, touch and anger so visceral that i pop a vessel. I wanna feel pain and heartache so I know how to illustrate it. I could create something so immaculate people would avoid consuming it because of the mental load it takes.
But I make stupid decisions with my life. I harm my body because something somewhere told me I have to. I say silly things, avoid difficult conversations and I watch parts of my life decay. I exist passively and regret every second. The things I could do if I wasn't so afraid. So bored. The people I could have kept. I wish i were a poet.